Saiyuki Fic: Questions Why (838) Pt. 2

And now, the second half of QW….

This is shounen-ai/pre-slash Sanzo/Hakkai, rated PG/Teen for Sanzo’s language. If you don’t care for slash, feel free to not read.

Summary: “Why did I do that?” Hakkai saw past the mask.

Part 1

This is all Vathara’s fault. I swear it is. She’s the one who got me hooked on Saiyuki. Well… okay, some of it is Sanzo and Hakkai’s fault. Especially Hakkai’s. He can be vicious when he wants something written.

Saiyuki and Saiyuki Reload are © Katsuya Minekura. This story is fanfiction, and is not intended as infringement on that copyright.

Questions Why
by tag

Part Two: Hakkai

Hakkai tilted his head back against the top of the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. The plaster was surprisingly clean for an inn, and he let his eyes follow the patterns made by the tool that had been used to apply it. There was only one question in his mind: Why?

Pulling his knees up to his chest, he sighed quietly. “Of all the stupid things to do, Cho Hakkai…” he muttered to himself.

Good thing Goku and Gojyo were both out enjoying the local festival. He didn’t want to have to answer any questions about what he meant. And they’d both ask, if they heard him saying that.

We’re not even halfway back to Chang’an. Why did I do that?

It was a good question. An excellent question. And one he really, really wished he knew the answer to.

It certainly wasn’t going to make the rest of the trip back any easier.

Especially not if Goku and Gojyo got wind of what he’d done.

Not that he would tell them, and he strongly suspected that Sanzo wouldn’t breathe a word of it… but they’d been together, pretty much every single day, for almost three years now. Which meant that any change between any of them was noticed. And Sanzo… well, Hakkai would be very surprised if Sanzo didn’t change his attitude towards him after this. Probably for the worst.

Hells – I think the only reason I didn’t get shot was he was too shocked to react before I ducked out.

Sanzo had definitely been shocked. Hakkai didn’t think he’d ever seen the priest so surprised before – too surprised to react with his normal reflexes. Too surprised to react at all, aside from staring at Hakkai with a wide-eyed expression of utter astonishment on his face, before Hakkai had got out the door, closed it again behind him, and informed Goku and Gojyo that they were free to head off.

Which still didn’t answer the question circling uppermost in Hakkai’s mind.

He hadn’t gone into Sanzo’s room with the intention of doing anything other than informing the priest about the festival and asking if he wanted to come with them. And what he’d seen when he entered – Sanzo leaning against the windowsill, looking out and smoking, with the moon rising just outside the window, shining in on him – wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen too many times before to count.

So why was this time so different?

Today wasn’t anything special. No problematic anniversaries for any of them, no special anniversaries for any of them…. The town wasn’t anything special either. They hadn’t stopped here on the way out – they were deliberately taking a different route back, considering all the damage that had been done during the trip to deal with Gyumaoh and Gyokumen Koushu – so there was nothing there that would have prompted his impulsive action.

Not that it wasn’t something he’d wanted to do. He’d spent two and a half years wanting to do that – since shortly after the confrontation with Chin Yisou. And the three years before that with the occasional wistful thought of it, for that matter, though he’d gone to a great deal of trouble to never let on.

Beneath his sharp, surly attitude, Sanzo was… fascinating. Beautiful, even, though the priest would no doubt have laughed – or shot him – if Hakkai had ever even hinted at that. Sharp, cutting, ruthless – all of which, truthfully, only added to his attraction – and with a compassion that flowed as strong and deep as the river he’d originally been named for….

The fact that he was also beautiful on the outside didn’t hurt – but it wasn’t the important part, the part that had attracted Hakkai in the first place. That beauty was on display for all the world to see, after all. No, it was what was inside, the endless compassion that Sanzo worked so hard to hide, that had done that.

None of which told Hakkai why he’d done what he had now, rather than waiting until this journey was over (or not doing it at all, for that matter – it wouldn’t have been easy to keep his attraction a secret, but he had been doing it for over five years…). Instead he’d gone and done it now, when they still had almost a year’s worth of travel to go – assuming there were no unplanned detours. When it guaranteed that things would be awkward, and there would be questions asked by the other two.

Just… he’d walked into Sanzo’s room, and the priest had been there, and the moment Sanzo had stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray – nothing he hadn’t seen daily – years of self-control had just flown out the window, and Hakkai had pushed forward and done it.

But… why did I choose now to kiss him?

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